dream net

I picture a day,
where my daughter will be
6 years old,
walking home from school,
telling me
about the world
she has discovered,
she has begun to understand,
about the boy that's her buddy,
who's made to hold her hand
in line up
and how it's always sweaty when they make a circle
and that he won't stop pulling her pig tails.

And I'll smile and nod and think
how times will change
And how I'll see it all,
I'll tell her about the world,
And how big it is,
I'll tell her ' her life is a ship'
and she was made to alter its course,
not ride upon the waves provided.

I will say,
"Petal, it may seem like age is to do with years,
and life is too long,
but let me tell you,
age is to do with fears
                                  and joys
and life is too short to fit all the possible experiences
it offers us
into.

So don't waste time,
don't be someone else,
but don't be afraid to be the you you want to be tomorrow,
not the you you said you'd be yesterday. 

She will hunger for discovery
and tasting the saltiness of life, it's flavour, and its tears,
and feeling the smack of saying something you can't take back
and hunting the love of a boy who's bad with a heart of gold
and finally seeing that the nice guy, who pulled you're pig tails in primary school is actually...perfect
and having life.
Of demanding all that life can give you. 

She will face the world with an open heart,
and also open eyes,
she will jump into puddles with both feet,
dive off the highest diving board with no fear,
but if she doesn't want to,
she doesn't have to,
we can try again tomorrow.

"Oh trust me sweetheart, life will hurt." I'll say -
I will never try to convince it shouldn't
or that she's fine, when she's not
or that she needs to be strong for me,
because,
     well,
           that's my job.

I will be there for her first heart break,
         for the first loss,
             for every failure
                     and tragedy in between.
I will never ask her to be something she's not.

I want honesty from her, 

which means honesty from me. 

She will go through a period of time,
convinced that she's the only one who understands
racism
and refugee rights,
and environmental issues,
and how terrible war is
and how politicians are all liars mum,
and that in her lifetime
she will solve it all,
I will encourage her to chase her dreams with a butterfly net
and not a dream catcher.
You want to change something, I'll say
Go get it,

I will teach her to cook,
I will encourage her to teach me -
there will be no recipe books in our house,
(maybe just a few).
I will teach her, through food,
That amazing beautiful things can occur through planning,
but, it is only through gathering experience
and intuition
and throwing away the recipe of life
that unplanned miracles
and happy accidents
can occur. 

I don't want her to stand by things
she doesn't want to
doesn't believe anymore,
because as important as constancy is in love,
people change, and grow,
and I won't always know what the right decision is for her.

I will always be telling her, 

"Honey, your life is a maze of decision and choices,
only you can make and
only you can fully appreciate the consequences of a bad decision
and the greatness of a good decision
and as such,
I will help you in any way I can,
whether it's giving advice
or staying 'mum',
fixing something broken
or polishing your spirit
until you are ready to face the world again."

She will never have to hide
1. Being sick,
2. Being heart broken,
3. Getting a tatoo or
4. Changing her mind,
from me. 

And because of all these things,
when she falls down,
she will be willing to ask for help to stand up, 

because of all these things,
she will have high expectations for what she wants from life,
and her friends
and lovers
and the world around her
and she will demand greatness,
because no one has ever convinced her it doesn't exist.
And even when the world is confusing
and bad and inconsistent,
she will see that some people are permanent
and will always love her
and that everything will be all right. 

In the world of the straight speaker. The direct man can ask the difficult questions, clarify the ambiguous, justify the unjust and honestly get on with what will work, what is wanted and what will help. The world of the boring. Where the chase for the truth is stationary and unnecessary. And uninteresting. Does it actually matter? Is perception of truth enough. Of reality? Of objectivity? Wish we could negotiate our perceptions of reality. 

Control-Z

You can control-z your life.
as frustrating and inconsistant as edit--> undo is forgiveness. And correction.
And you can only go back so far. 

Permanent marker

Pain written on her face in permanent marker while she lay still.

That's what he did. Took a girl and changed her. Altered her course. Her story.

Probably doesn't even know her name. But he hurt her.

And now its written all over her face. 

Fickle fickle universe

Clarity. Knowledge. Power. Freedom.

Carry me home. Stare at me. Love me.

When I see these coffee club, no good, nice suits, flat shoes, loyalty card holding, small children ignored on the side, licking cappacino foam off their spoons and working, and living and loving and breathing in the nature of life. The juice of it. So simple. So annoyingly and frustratingly out of reach.

Happiness, so far out of personal control and so close to pretending to be.

Laugh.

At the fickle random uncontrollable. At the universe, really. At all of time and space. 

Election

The rub was its unsolvable nature. Unchangeable form. It exists as the sharp grip on the bladed handle of the proverbial double edged sword. The majority rules. The consensus reached- the truth defined by the clouded eyes, the fogged many or as the result does sho, the truth now defined, the knowledgable population, the right, the absurd.
I live here. I breathe. I read. I see. I show. I feel.                 I contain myself.

Democracy in action, they say.
They - the educated elite. The overthinking few, the current affairs drowned, newspaper reading, glasses wearing, nose turning, squinty number.
Right. Not good, not safe, not necessary, not better, not helpful, not beneficial, not unsure, and no indifferent. Those with right on their side and intelligent economic spending and strong education/healthcare platfroms running through their heads. Those that post memes of Tony Abbott next to golem and book flights to Canada. Bigger picture people. Australia has spoken. The truth is now loud and newspapers will line the streets with moustaches drawn on our country's leaders. We complain, we drink, we move, we run. Run from productive thinking and future planning. We grip the past and put our thumbs out using the phrase "Wasn't me".
Well Australia, it was you. Maybe not you, not me. but the collective us decisded. Now is the time to think antera, lasso the future we want. Enough of us do, we might be able to drag Australia in the right direction.