To the boy that I've been stalking for over a year, I'm sorry - but I thought you would have noticed by now.

I've been harboring this 'not so secret thrill', this 'spinal chill', this 'if looks could kill' deal for you since, since,
since Jesus was pre-pubescent, since moses was sent, since I didn't get asked if I wanted a plastic bag at the supermarket.

For a while right?

And this is all secondary - my point being that if looks could kill - then man -
you would drown me, or burn me, or maybe just complete me.

Drowning in the need to be surrounded by you, to fall deep into this well of love- I would sacrifice my air and my life to be held by you till the end, 

On fire because well, you're hot, and I'm worried it's superficial, a simple delusion and that touching you would destroy the illusion.  

But not worried enough to stand back - hence the death by fire and the life by desire. 

1. You are fundamentally attractive - and by fundamentally I mean - you define attractive for me, the closer someone looks like you - the more attractive you are.

2. I often walk past where you work to see you, even after dark falls and my chances are small - I cut myself of their fine and hopeful edges.
3. You have a great smile. it hits me in the chest and sends me floating spiralling away.
4. You hold my story -my indiscretions and my glory - my bumps and bruises and lovers and abusers in that simple and solid storyboard of bus-stop emotions when we check in. Cause we check in. A 'what's been happening with you' 2 minute conversation that gets uploaded to the data bank of ''I share to much with practical strangers'' - but any way.
5. I like your girl friend. I think she's down to earth and beautiful - but hey, I can pray for the rubber band man in you to decide on a rebound relationship and smack into me latter.
6. Part of me stays in this city for you - and the hope that these hopeless hopes will come true - see I've been broken like glass - resurrected myself with equal parts perspex, glass, glue and spirit - and broke a few other peoples in mis-directed revenge. I'm ready to sit on the wings of the bird that thinks to itself at every moment of its journey "I'm exactly where I want to be" 

But this is not a 'think quick! heart drop kick moment- it's percolated for a while - its strong and at risk of leaving that bitter taste of another mislaid plan of mice and crazy women.

I think I like you

You were carrying my heart at a distance like you didn't know what to do with it.
Would it stain your shirt?
Would it hurt?
You can see the answer now- trust your senses.

We fit - like hands clasped on cold mornings
or old couples snoring
Or jeans stretched and shrunk into the shape of your ass.

Ask me - I'll speak truth
For I'm convinced you could steal it from my mouth,
swallow it with a kiss
and heal my scars

Words aren't necessary,
just read my body - my forehead against yours,
my body tescelated to your curves.

In uncomfortable comforting crazy embraces
In upside-down spoons and long lazy conversations
Take me
I'll run with you,
I'll chase the days you've seized and the hopes you have.

I'll fill your self with self esteem,
you will fill mine with safety.

Before you leave
like me,
say it - tell me in more than bedroom eyes

Find Your Name

Find your name,

in the dust where lines are marked,
in the puddles where water hits, and hits and hits,
in the smelly bits,
in the uncomfortable conversations and the awkward silences,

Find your name,

in the ruins of your ancient relationships,
in the adventures of your hormones during puberty,
in the indentations your feet make in the sand at the beach,
deep and chaotic and unique.

Find your name,

this is for the 14 year old convinced she's too old to have a first kiss,
to the soccer player's near miss,
to the quiet tsss in a moment of anger.
to the child in all of us, that sometimes doesn't walk on cracks.

This is putting the I in ID, the me in meaning,
this is about who we are.
Your story is the only story I want to hear,
who are you?

Are you your mother's daughter, you sister's brother, your lover's lover?
Are you the friend till the end, the workaholic, the flirtatious drunk or everyone's bad day tonic?
Are you defined?

Find your name,

We hurtle in tandem,
in a frantic silent disco,
to our own music,
our own beat,
our own rhythm,
our own song.

But throw your arms around me,
'Cause I'll hold on,
I'll learn your beat,
I'll feel your story,

Welcome to the world
rejoice at its simplicity,
it's complexity

its tragic communities,
and its joyous solitudes,

Find your name - its in that music,
its in those spaces, the corners that lurk in murky moments of confusion, of gray morals and self made delusions,
It's the first step in this conclusion,

Find your name.

Welcome to the New World

Keeping pace and holding tight to habit.
Fattening your hollowness with McDonalds pregnancies and memories of lost futures,
Split second moment miss-steps.
You need to twist the lense of your focus to the left - pull in closer.
Make moment to moment decisions, don't predict living in 20-20 hindsight fashion. It cannot be forecast or foretold.

Life is a present moment on indefinite repeat - each one different, each one related, but not Newtonian. No causation found.

Life By Firing Squad

My back grazes gently against the brick wall of my past- graffitied with a WRONG WAY GO BACK sign, it rudely presses into me to remind me forwards is the way forwards.
I savour moments between shots, air to drowning man, water to the desert wanderer. Bare feet in sand curling toes on the final goodbye to a summer holiday.
'Come back', they say - expectant of abandon.

I breathe in the air of clarity - of remembering the last time life shot me.
Didn't see it coming the very first time - that was nice, lamb turned away from the knife.
Nor the second, as it tore into me from a different direction.
Now life has shot me so full of holes - I am shadow - bullets have trouble finding their mark.

A shot of heart break finds no heart beating.
A shot of death ache finds no tears leaking
A shot of regret finds no stomach dipping
A shot of failed hopes finds no purpose slipping.

I am shadow - light and flitting through the murk of night - the shades of gray I paint upon my body - spread my story to the wind. I am the shadow of the girl who was shot by life, I am strength and weakness in one.

Oh yes - come at me life! Hit me with your best shot, fire away!