Thursday 27 February 2014

To the boy that I've been stalking for over a year, I'm sorry - but I thought you would have noticed by now.

I've been harboring this 'not so secret thrill', this 'spinal chill', this 'if looks could kill' deal for you since, since,
since Jesus was pre-pubescent, since moses was sent, since I didn't get asked if I wanted a plastic bag at the supermarket.
For a while right?
And this is all secondary - my point being that if looks could kill - then man -
you would drown me, or burn me, or maybe just complete me.

Drowning in the need to be surrounded by you, to fall deep into this well of love- I would sacrifice my air and my life to be held by you till the end, 
On fire because well, you're hot, and I'm worried it's superficial, a simple delusion and that touching you would destroy the illusion.  
But not worried enough to stand back - hence the death by fire and the life by desire. 

1. You are fundamentally attractive - and by fundamentally I mean - you define attractive for me, the closer someone looks like you - the more attractive you are.
2. I often walk past where you work to see you, even after dark falls and my chances are small - I cut myself of their fine and hopeful edges.
3. You have a great smile. it hits me in the chest and sends me floating spiralling away.
4. You hold my story -my indiscretions and my glory - my bumps and bruises and lovers and abusers in that simple and solid storyboard of bus-stop emotions when we check in. Cause we check in. A 'what's been happening with you' 2 minute conversation that gets uploaded to the data bank of ''I share to much with practical strangers'' - but any way.
5. I like your girl friend. I think she's down to earth and beautiful - but hey, I can pray for the rubber band man in you to decide on a rebound relationship and smack into me latter.
6. Part of me stays in this city for you - and the hope that these hopeless hopes will come true - see I've been broken like glass - resurrected myself with equal parts perspex, glass, glue and spirit - and broke a few other peoples in mis-directed revenge. I'm ready to sit on the wings of the bird that thinks to itself at every moment of its journey "I'm exactly where I want to be" 

But this is not a 'think quick! heart drop kick moment- it's percolated for a while - its strong and at risk of leaving that bitter taste of another mislaid plan of mice and crazy women.

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